Twenty One

You know how I mentioned in my "love for all seasons" entry that summer is a busy time for family and friend get togethers? Well, we've been right in the thick of it lately. Good times. But yes, it does cut into my all-or-nothing blog entry writing style. I apologize to all of you who may have been concerned by the absence of blog entries!

The highlight of late was my sister Emi's bachelorette party, otherwise known as the "BBBP": Biker Babe Bachelorette Party. Of course it was a themed bachelorette party: Mathieu sisters were planning it. And what better theme to bring together a bunch of women than "Biker Babe" to celebrate Emi being one herself. We donned temporary tattoos and some choice threads in hopes of bringing out the Biker Babe in each of us. And then went out in public.

It was a proper bachelorette party, complete with games involving, food items resembling, and drinks named after male anatomy parts.

And I was JUST about to post a group picture when I noticed that our background includes one of the aforementioned games with some rather distracting visuals. To protect the innocent, I will refrain from doing so. Instead I'll feature a picture of one of my temporary tats. Hey, when you've got it, flaunt it!

Cute Nate Moments:
(And if he's embarrassed to read about these or feels the need to clarify, he can write his own blog entry in case I've misrepresented him.)

He almost always makes a special trip upstairs to say goodbye to me in the morning before he leaves for work, as I'm often still in bed. Last week he literally reached under me as I was laying on my side/stomach facing away from him, just to rub the belly as if to say goodbye to Tot, too.

He also took it upon himself, without my knowledge, to e-mail our friend Amy to ask her for a real-life, Mainer's estimate of initial baby-related expenses as opposed to the national averages that are mentioned in all the books and websites. Like a truly responsible father-and-provider-to-be.

And one final highlight from Mr. Take Charge - HE leaned over to kiss ME in the car as I dropped him off at work after our ultrasound appointment. INITIATED a kiss. Moved in for the big one. Planted one on me. I didn't know if he suddenly had some abdominal cramp that was compelling him to lean over in my direction, or what. But whatever came over him, it was okay with me.

Dream update: asd;lkfjqpoeiwtudfkjgbn:L
uzsdkbv:SDZM;l'asfopiaerhgdfkaljsf;lakdjfpoiqwenfsbm
kl ;aoeirutdskf;gna;lkdsgja;a;lksdjfpoiua rjkh!

In other words, too many dreams to list. And again, yes, I'm always tired in the morning.

I gratefully update our reading library list with books from Aunt Emi and Aunt Punchy:
Daddy Cuddles
Mommy Loves
The Very Hungry Caterpillar
Mary Engelbreit's Mother Goose
The Rainbow Fish
Only You
Finding Nemo

Good Night Maine
Clifford - The Little Flower Seed
It's Raining Pigs and Noodles
Big Red Barn
The Tiny Seed
Snowmen at Christmas
Little Quack's New Friend
Does a Kangaroo Have a Mother, Too?
Schoolyard Rynes
From Head to Toe

Thanks again, ladies. Nate can't WAIT to read to Tot. :)

Musings:
To our sisters, Tot could be considered their "Niephew"
And to our cats, Tot is their "Broster"

And finally, for those of you who just can't get enough of the pregnancy-talk, the latest milestone is really and truly feeling movement. We're still working on Nate building up the patience to keep his hand over my belly long enough to feel it himself. But I'd say for the past 2-3 weeks, I've grown increasingly confident in identifying these odd sensations as true baby kicks and flips.
And in case some of you noticed the subtleties of our dating, the ultrasound put us at 19 weeks 0 days, which lined up with my original figuring of the dating. So, I'm going back to Wednesdays being the beginning of each new week, which makes today TWENTY ONE (21) weeks.

YOWZERS!

Father Moments

I gotta say, holiday observances like these really take on a whole new meaning once you're LITERALLY in the middle of a countdown toward a new reality that includes you as a parent.

Yes, I made Nate a card for Father's Day, and my gift to him was that we wouldn't find out the sex of our baby until he or she is born. I know, not very imaginative. But an equivalent to what he gave me last month.

We "kid-sat" for friends of ours on Friday night. They oh-so-helpfully dropped off their 5 year-old son with a backpack of toys, knowing that our house is quite bare in the way of items specifically for kids. I mean, I'm sure we could have used our imaginations and figured something out, but it was a nice back up. We spent the first couple of hours at the park, playing on the playground and playing "soccer ball" as Brennan calls it.

Well, mostly Nate and Brennan played soccer ball while Nicky sat lazily on the slide and watched. It was beyond cute to see that Brennan clearly had a thing for Nate. He accidentally called Nate "Daddy" TWICE while playing soccer ball. We all had a good laugh when we realized his slip of the tongue. I melted a little inside.

So:
Who read a book with him?
Nicky.
And who put bandaids on his knee after a playground spill?
Nicky.
BUT who, according to Brennan, always got the first guess for "I Spy With My Little Eye?"
Nate.
And who did he lay next to on the couch to watch the baseball game at the end of the night?
Nate.
If I'd known they would have both cooperated, I would have taken a picture of that moment. But I didn't want to mess with the moment, so I'll just tuck it away in the vault that is my mind.

It occured to me that I am married to a man that will become a dad in a few short months (okay, I'm sure at some point they will seem never-ending. But that's beside the point). I've been with him for over 12 years, have never known him to babysit (on his own), take any dad-training courses, or read any parenting books. "My Boys Can Swim!" doesn't count because it's only about the pregnancy.
So how will he change from "Regular Guy" (I mean, "Amazing Stud", of course) into "Dad"?

At one point on the playground he said, "5 is a pretty active age. It's a good thing you get to build up to it."

I guess that's exactly what he'll do.

His mom gave him a very cool book called "Dad and Me" which is like a baby book in which you write in the story of the pregnancy and baby's firsts, but is also meant to document things about the dad so his kid learns about him. There's also lots of spaces for the dad and kid to write and draw things they like to do together, so it's something that will be used for a few years. He said, "I have to fill this stuff in, by hand?" Meaning, he hates writing long hand - he prefers to type. Hey, maybe he can type and cut and paste. In any case, it's a cool book. He also said something to the effect that he should get started on it - there's a lot to fill in. I think it will be so cool once it's all done.

I talked to my dad this morning, although it was later in the evening for him. I just can't help looking at him differently now, realizing that he, too, was a Regular Guy at one time, and somewhere along the way became "Dad". Meaning he did things like changing diapers, holding us when we cried whether it was from a boo boo or just from being tired, telling us to "rub it" if something hurt (unless we were actually bleeding), making root beer floats, making stilts, a swing, and teeter totter among countless other things in his woodworking shop, telling "Eerie Weerie" ghost stories, telling us stories of his own childhood, even the ones we'd heard 17 times already, teaching us to take care of what we have - especially anything made of wood, teaching us "Old Indian Tricks" and how to make a Morning Dove call with our hands, playing the guitar and singing made-up-songs like "There Was a Beautiful Girl Named Nicky", working during the day and sharing stories of his day over dinner, making big family breakfasts even though, or maybe because, I hated waking up any earlier than necessary as a teenager, teaching us to drive, telling me that his job as a parent was to set limits, and my job as a teenager was to push them, and talking with me about drinking in college. And oh yeah, the birth control talk that consisted of: "Use Aspirin. Put it between your knees and keep it there." Classic.

On an unrelated note, he told me about a woman at work who's also due in November, so he's been able to see where she's at in the pregnancy and figure that I'm pretty much the same. A cute connection. He'll get to see for himself soon enough when he and his wife return to the States with my two youngest siblings. My adult sisters and I give him a hard time that the younger ones get a number of things that we didn't get growing up, but I HAVE seen him use the "Rub it" line on them, too. Now that's a timeless piece of father advice.

I'll close with a belly pic, even though it's only been one week since the last one. I just had to capture the phenomenon that I had heard of which is called "popping".

Nicky and Nate
19 weeks 4 days
Happy Father's Day

Okay Go ahead and make these pictures dirty!!

Really now, people. We honestly, innocently thought that including Tot's "Thumbs Up" picture was just a cute, CLEAN image to share with you all. Who would have thought, as our friend Seth stated in his comment, that the grandmothers-to-be would be the ones to infuse our blog with such "colorful" interpretations of our baby's thumbs up gesture!!

Well, have fun with this next one, that I've titled "Our Alien Baby". I know, it's a little disturbing. But it looks like a healthy skeletal system, doesn't it?

And the other picture, that Nate titled "Kickboxer".



And now, my dreams from last night.
There were so many it's hard to remember them all. But what sticks out is:

It was stormy and my co-worker Susan was driving my car for some reason, and trying to park it in the snow while driving 30 miles an hour, on the street in Sanford where I grew up. Like, she was swerving all over the street and not using the breaks to try to stop - she just figured she'd crash into the snowbank and the car would turn off. But then we were told there was a parking ban because of plowing, so she took off to park my car somewhere else, and there was the sense that if she didn't find a place to park, she'd just drive around till morning. In the meantime, I was standing in the middle of the street wondering where the heck I should go, since I didn't actually LIVE on this street anymore.

Then Nate and I were in the house of friends of ours - his old co-worker Josh and his wife Sarah, who we did actually visit last night, as they just moved to Hallowell and are walking distance from our place. There was a sense that they had invited us over, but then had to leave or something, so we were in their house by ourselves. Then night came, and we noticed someone else was in the house. It was the previous owner, but he was delusional and became angry when he discovered that we were in what he thought was still HIS house - so he came after us and was chasing us, trying to either chase us out of the house, or kill us. But instead of just running away, we were trying to stay in the house, so Josh and Sarah didn't come home to this delusional angry man who would then try to kill them.

Then, and I WISH I was making this up, I dreamed that my mother-in-law was either personally trying to kill me, or had hired someone else to do it, because I had changed my mind about not wanting to know the sex of our baby. I am fully aware that this sounds like a load of you-know-what. But I could not be more serious that I actually dreamt this.

And finally, I dreamed that Nate wrote a blog entry. Just a paragraph, but still. He hadn't told me he was going to do it - I just logged on to write an entry one day, and, buried in one of my lengthy posts, was a paragraph that he had written and slipped in there himself. Novel.

That was all last night. Yes, I am tired in the morning. I am always tired in the morning. I hate mornings. I had never thought about the fact that maybe these dreams are keeping me from restful sleep until I started sharing them with so many people, and being asked so frequently if I feel rested when I wake up, because of these crazy, lengthy, plot-twisted (and just plain twisted) dreams. You may all be on to something there.

Last but not least, I am sending a very Happy 5th Birthday wish to my YOUNGEST sister, Lilo. Nate asked what we got her, and I said, "an e-mail"... because that's what I've been doing for observances and holidays like that on account of her living in a time-zone 8+ hours away. But not for long, as she and a few other key people in my family are moving to the United States in just a few short weeks. How wild it will be for them to live so close to us - and for Tot to have an aunt and uncle who are more like playmates, once our little one gets to be more play-able.

So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LILO!


Nicky and Nate
19 weeks 1 day
canyouevenbelieveit

Drum Roll Please.....

I know our track record with announcements and updates may have lead some of you to have a difficult time taking us seriously, or believing what you're reading (as in the case of the holiday letters in years past). I am fully aware of this as I write the following sentence.

We did NOT find out the sex of the baby today.

I swear to,... well, I swear on,... well, I just swear. We didn't.

Take all the time you need to read the above text over as many times as you need. The blog will still be here.

And when you're ready, the rest of the story:

I found myself nearing this appointment feeling like it was SO EARLY to be finding out this information, and that we had reached almost "half way through this thing" already and I had gotten used to the ambiguity. I have only JUST started to show, and perHAPS started to feel movement. I'm pretty sure it hasn't all been gas. So, to feel like we're just starting the exciting stuff, to "suddenly" get what could feel like HUGE, pregnancy-changing news, was just feeling overwhelming.

My reasons for wanting to know earlier were that, especially because I had been feeling so fine and normal thus far, I felt like knowing the sex would help a.) make the pregnancy feel more "real" to me, and b.) help me "bond" with the baby better with the additional information.

But those reasons have begun to be addressed by: a.) starting to "pop" lately and look more pregnant ( a trip to Old Navy maternity also helped scratch that itch - AND fill a very real need, of course, Dear), and b.) the VERY beginning of feeling movement... it's still at the stage where I'm not sure if it's my imagination, but it will become more and more noticeable in the next few weeks. And if that doesn't make the pregnancy feel more real, and promote bonding, I don't know what would.

If only I could describe the look in Nate's eyes last night when I admitted these self-doubts of my earlier desire. Oh, did he pounce on that. With the help of a couple of gin and tonics. We had an interesting discussion about the whole thing.

So, blame it on me for changing my mind. Or blame it on Nate for not wanting to know the sex in the first place. We apologize for the roller-coaster ride that we have put you all through. Hate mail can be sent via public blog comment, e-mail, or snail mail. ;)

To distract you with a light story, I'll share that I received THE MOST excited reaction ever from a non-family member or friend today: my dental hygenist, Courtney. I think I've been seeing her twice a year for 3 or 4 years now, and of course these cleaning visits include the requisite personal and family updates. Each visit starts out with the question of any new medical updates, so with a big grin I informed her that I was pregnant. Well you should have seen and heard her excitement. I don't know how many times she told me her cheeks were hurting from smiling so much, even when I couldn't see that she was smiling from underneath her face mask.

And let me tell you, carrying on a conversation while getting your teeth cleaned is a feat in and of itself, even when it's just the occassional comment about the weather, holidays, or vacation plans. But to try to talk about a new, first pregnancy with someone who is so excited for you she is literally oozing smiley faces onto your paper dental bib while manipulating metal instruments in your mouth, is really something else. It was so much fun. The more excited she got, the more excited I got. I hadn't even been THAT excited about our pregnancy since... well, anytime I've shared the news with someone new, it's been a nice rush.

My next visit will be in December, when I will be a PARENT (!!!!!), not worrying about scheduling my appointment around my work schedule since I'll be out on maternity leave, but needing to arrange childcare for my dental cleaning. Anyone free on the morning of Wednesday December 19th? Anyone? :)

Courtney was bummed that she wouldn't get to see my growing belly (I know, isn't that the coolest part of any pregnancy?) so I told her I'd bring pictures with me in December. And oh yeah, probably some pics of the tot, too :) But I couldn't help leaving the blog address with her so that she could see the belly pics so far, and read about how much her excitement made my morning. And so she'd finally be mentioned in a blog, since she said she's only appeared once in one of her many friends-with-kids blogs.

Okay, getting back to our appointment today. Once again, everything went well. Which, again, neurotic me is NOT taking for granted.

I'd say our baby summed up the status of things with the VERY FIRST image that appeared on the ultrasound - I swear:


Thumbs up!

Yes, he/she has a healthy body and head and working organs. More pictures next time.
Nicky and Nate
19 weeks

Same Mid-Section, Different Looks

So, I have to say, there are a lot of varying factors that play into how these belly pics come out. As I've been taking these oh-so-cute time lapse photos, for everyone else's enjoyment, and my amazement each time I look at the difference 2 weeks makes, I go through several takes to get the "right one".

There's the consideration of what time of day it is, so that the lighting is ideal. Because using the flash with the lights on is NOT the most flattering setting.
"Flattering?" you just asked in surprise. "Why does a pregnant woman care how her belly pics are coming out? Don't we want to see everything in all its glory??"
Um, No.
Proper lighting is ANYONE's friend when it comes to self-portraits.

Then there's the consideration of what time of day it is in relation to how much I've had to eat already. Seriously. Would you want to take a picture of your stomach right after Thanksgiving meal?? I didn't think so. And I've felt like taking it first thing in the morning, when I'm still feeling relatively petite, would be cheating. So I try to make it mid-day.

Then there's the big issue of proper breathing and consistent muscle engagement. (I do think I still have SOME of those in the region between my shoulders and hips.) I mean, I'm not going to be super-flexed like I indulged myself with at 9 weeks, but I'm not going to do a beer-gut impression, either. And I have to say, the larger I get, and the larger I feel, the less and less inclined I become to do any kind of "flexing". Why bother? So, that is all a lead up to this week's photo:









Compared to 2 weeks ago, below.


As you can see, a fourth issue I've wrestled with lately is what to do with my arms. I know, I know - this has gotten pretty complex hasn't it?


I also wanted to see if I was still able to make a "Flexed" pic, like I did at 9 weeks. Yes, the lines are straighter than above, but there's a bit more content than at 9 weeks.

I considered putting the camera timer on the "2 second" setting instead of the whole "10 seconds" I usually use, to decrease the chance that I pass out while holding my breath for that take. I only did one of those. Thank god it came out the first time.

A pregnancy milestone this week:
On Friday I got my first "Are you pregnant?" inquiry from a stranger. Well, not quite STRANGER, but not someone who would not have known otherwise by hearing from me directly or through the grapevine of family and friends. Yes, the bartender at the Liberal Cup has the honor of being the first to ask me that question, upon serving me a non-alcoholic beer. The past few times we've been there I've ordered a soda, which felt annoying and lame, (I know, I know, it's for a good reason...) and wasn't enough of a flag for to ask anything outright (the horrors, if she was wrong). All I got those times were a surprised and confused look. But a non-alcoholic beer, I mean, come ON.
So, I think I can psychologically graduate to the new phase of exuding the message: "LOOK! I'M SHOWING! MY BELLY IS STICKING OUT AND IT'S NOT JUST THE HUGE BOWL OF MAC AND CHEESE I JUST ATE FOR LUNCH! IT'S MY BABY AND I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT IT!"

All of this is to preface that I simply HAD to capture the "Thanksgiving-Meal-Stomach Look". Just to give you the full range of what my mid-section can do.

I am well aware that I could have kept that gem to myself and only showed you those pretty, soft-lighting profiles, so that you picture my hair up in a bun and running - I mean walking, of course - in a white sundress through a field of wildflowers, basket of flowers in one hand, patting my other hand on my precious "baby-bump" which is slowly but steadily growing. And, of course, growing GRACEfully. But, I'm Nicky, so I don't do many things gracefully.

Note that the most hilarious aspect of this picture, to me, is that I have ECLIPSED the light coming through the window, and that ALL THREE takes in the "Thanksgiving-Meal Stomach Look" series had the same profile-only effect.

What woman would ever want to put a picture of herself like this on the internet besides a pregnant woman?? Or, I should change that to say, Pregnant Nicky?? Because MOST self-respecting women would spare their family and friends these viewings, while keeping their dignity intact. But I think I established a long time ago that dignity is boring, and doesn't inspire people to LOL, if you will. Or write in with comments that inspire me to continue looking at my life, more so than usual, with my beloved "Humor Lenses". These things allow me to see how almost anything could be shared with my nearest and dearest for a laugh.

Nicky and Nate
18 weeks 2 days
Or, "1 week and 5 days from HALF WAY through this thing"
if you want to look at it that way.

Wild Boar Tries to Eat Child

That is the gist of a dream I had the other night.

Background: (yes, there is BACKGROUND to this) I heard part of a news story on the radio on Monday about someone who shot and eventually killed a big boar or pig - and I think the main point of the news story was that the initial media reports said it was a "wild boar", but it was actually someone's very large farm pig, raised for slaughter. And it took several bullets, I guess, to finally kill it. Anyway. I'm sure this was the major contributing factor to why I had the dream that I did.

There was a large wild boar running loose in the woods, and it was really freaky looking. It was huge and hairy and had crooked, long teeth. So a bunch of us were running away from it, and spotted a tree house that we planned to escape into. But somewhere in there I became aware that I had a kid to also shelter from the boar, instead of just myself. There was a sense that he was someone else's kid, and that I was just babysitting, but he was also kind of mine. I don't know. Anyway, so I was trying to say to this, maybe 3 year old kid,"Come on, run this way with me!" because he was just too big for me to carry easily, and climb up into a tree house at the same time. But the kid was resisting, saying he needed his shoes tied before he could run, and they NEEDED to be tied in a certain way, a way that I was not familiar with. And he had the LONGEST shoelaces ever. They were enough for 4 pairs of shoes altogether. So I was trying to do it quickly and quietly, so the boar wouldn't hear us, but also trying to make sure that there were not excess loops of shoelaces that he would catch on roots etc. on the ground. We eventually made it up into the tree house, but the boar somehow climbed up there too, at which point I begged the boar to not eat us, especially because I was babysitting, and whoever the parents were of this kid were going to be really mad if their kid got eaten by a boar on MY watch. Plus, oh yeah, they might have intense grieving as well. But "really mad" was what I was most concerned with at that time. So upon letting us beg for our lives, the boar said to us, "Don't worry, I wasn't going to eat you. I just chase people so everyone will be afraid of me. But I'm fine with eating plants instead. The tricky part will be figuring out how to get down from this tree house."

And then I woke up.

Quick entry. Yeah right.

Finally, the lying can stop. After months of planning, we successfully conspired to surprise my sister (as far as she says) with her bridal shower on Saturday. It was a Hawaiian theme, as they're going to the island of Kauai for their honeymoon - tres exciting. It was a lovely time, complete with Bridal Bingo, Mai Tai punch, and a cake decorated by the mother-of-the-groom to be the islands of Hawaii. With edible blue glitter sprinkles to indicate the ocean, which turned all of our lips and teeth temporarily blue.

It was while visiting at the shower that one of our friends informed me of the association she has with the name Chester, after working for several years the child protective field. And that is, "Chester the Molester"!!! I guess there's not a particular person called Chester the Molester, but there are a number of "Chesters" on the sex offender registry list. Yeah. So what do I do with that information?!? It had never occurred to me. After months of thinking it's such a cute, harmless nickname... I'm not sure I can shake this new association. And if I try to ignore it, and continue to use the name, then this friend, and now all of you, are going to think I'm an awful mother-to-be by knowingly using such an unfortunate nickname. So, maybe we'll use "Tot" as Nate uses from time to time.

I would say he's just as fixated as I am on trying to determine, EVERY DAY, how much bigger I've gotten. We both stare at the belly, at different times of day, at different angles, feel the belly, comment on the belly, etc. Particular outfits make a huge difference, too. He's especially intrigued by how... these are his words: "deep" my belly button is these days. I still don't really know what he's talking about. "Look!" he'll say while I'm laying down. "You could put a whole swimming pool in there!" Whatever. I just think it's cute that he's so fascinated.

I'd say that the stage where I'm at right now, in terms of how I feel physically, can best be described by one sentence in The Girlfiend's Guide to Pregnancy, that says something to the effect of, "You begin your day feeling like your body is just like your normal, pre-pregnancy body; and by the end of the day, you're feeling unmistakably pregnant." There's just such a big range of size in each 24 hour period. That's why the inventor of the elastic waist is my hero these days. Well, that person is in a tie for my hero with the Front Desk Scheduling Lady from my midwife/doctor's office, as noted in the last blog entry.

Exhausting dream night last night:

A nor'easter had hit New England, and it was being compared to the Ice Storm of '98.
It was the first night of it, and people were starting to lose their power. There was the sense that because our pantry was so well-stocked, we wouldn't have to run to the grocery store like everyone else. So we decided to celebrate knowing we'd being locked in our house for several days by going out to eat, and the only place open was a Chinese restaurant. Like on Christmas day in the movie A Christmas Story. Anyway - we were going to walk there, as we do all restaurants here in Hallowell, and I was searching for a pair of mittens for the walk. But I was only seeing single, mismatched mittens in this big basket. The only pair of mittens I could find were old and shabby - not the warmest ones. I forget what I decided on. Side note - a dream last week in which I had to get to work on short notice, and literally got out of bed and grabbed random pieces of clothes, and a handful of shoes. When I got to work, I noticed that out of the 6 shoes I brought with me, I only had ONE matched pair of shoes, and they were not the best fit for the outfit I was wearing. So I begged my supervisor to make a quick trip home to get suitable shoes. Although I ended up determining that they were, in fact, in the SALOON that was in a different part of the building. So I had to go through all these dark hallways, up stairs, past games of billiards being played, etc. Not sure if I found the shoes. ANYWAY.

During the nor'easter, we suddenly discovered there was a separate part of our basement that was totally new (not built in the 1880s like the rest of our house) with high ceilings, well lit, great for storing tons of stuff. And it had a wood stove, so we would make it okay through the ice storm. Another side note: I have this whole category of dreams in which I discover parts of a house that no one else knows about. Sometimes the dimensions are irregular - like having to squeeze through a tiny doorway but then entering a really cool, oversized room. Very Alice in Wonderland. Love it.

So moving on from the nor'easter and houses, I had a fictional friend/aquaintance - we weren't that close- who was threatening to jump off a building to kill herself, and for some reason, like because she had done this before, I didn't believe her, called her bluff, and she actually jumped. And during that time, the perspective of my dream suddenly shifted to her thoughts as she was falling the 100 stories or something - not just 2 or 3 stories. And she was thinking, "Man, maybe this was a mistake - life really isn't THAT bad. I was kind of kidding anyway. Well, at least my friend Nicky is probably running down 100 flights of stairs to try to catch me at the end of my fall, and maybe she'll actually make it, and I'll be okay. Just like in the movies." And I did run down the 100 flights of stairs, but didn't quite make it. The most disturbing part was that she didn't quite die, but her face looked rather cartoon-ish, so it kind of made it better that I let this person die, because she wasn't a real person. So I walked away, figuring someone else would find her and help fix her cartoon body and face.

And THEN I had a dream, probably in between the snoozes of my alarm clock this morning, that I had the wherewithall to write down all of these dreams. I reached over to my nightstand and took out the yellow, lined pad of paper that I've been using lately for to-do lists, and was writing down: "Ice Storm, New Basement, Mittens, Friend Jumping off Building". I was writing with my eyes half-closed, because I knew that if I opened them too much, meaning, woke up too much, I would forget them. I was so proud of myself for thinking to write them down. I thought, "These will be good to share on the blog." Then I woke up, and the pad of paper wasn't next to me at all. And I thought, that is a new kind of dream for me.

Okay - that's all for now.
Sweet dreams,
Nicky and Nate
and "Tot"
17 weeks 3 days
for some reason the odd number weeks seem more like "legitimate pregnancy" to me.
Like, the 13, 15, 17....
Don't ask.